There is a hadith(related incident) about the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) (btw, if this is making you smirk, please read this) that goes thus: The prophet and his companions were sitting together when one among them got up and left. After he left, the prophet said this man would be one among those who would go to heaven. The people sitting around the prophet were intrigued, they did not find in him any such quality that would distinguish him from other people. So one of them decided to go to the said person's house and stay in his house so that he could observe him.
This person welcomed him and the visitor decided to stay for a few days so that he could keep a watch and subsequently adopt whatever extra goodness his host possessed. He observed him night and day and so on till three days but found that there was nothing his host did, no extra prayers, no fasting, that would make him dearer to God than the rest.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, he sought out the Prophet and told him that his host was as ordinary as himself. The prophet then explained When he goes to sleep at night, his heart is free of malice. He holds no bad feelings for anybody'. 'Son, if you are able, keep your heart from morning till night and from night till morning free from malice towards anyone.'
Why am I mentioning this? This came to my mind today, when I was thinking about the different categories that I put people around me in.
There are all those who don't matter much - if you ever offend them, you give them as much of an apology as you think they deserve and move on. You will rarely, if ever, think of it again.
Then there are those who matter, but till a point. You will make an x amount of effort - if it doesn't succeed, it'll prick your conscience for a while, then you forget about it. With such people, it takes a lot of effort to confront them if something you or they did is bothering you. When you have an imagination like mine and similar lachrymal tendencies, then there'll be a lot of mental confrontation which will eventually settle down as resentment and then be forever flushed out of your system.
And then there are the kind who you enjoy quarreling with. Because even while you're shouting your head off at them, you're happy that you know there's something worth fighting for. The same kind who, if you're mad at them or vice versa, you can't go to sleep without having made peace with.
And finally there are those, the kind you talk to rarely, yet everytime you talk to them you feel content and at peace, just like that corny line, from that movie, whatsitname, 'You make me want to be a better person'. I picked this up from Arnav's blog(here) who picked it up from Sayesha ... which is when I realized it. Such people are rare and even knowing one is an invaluable treasure.
For the one person whom I would classify into the fourth category, I know I have never felt any kind of resentment towards her.
With the third kind, you make sure that any misgivings towards them are always wiped clean at the end of the day.
With the first kind, they rarely linger in your thoughts after the apology.
Its only the second kind who naggingly remain behind, snagged on your conscience till after a while, they fade away, leaving behind mixed memories and wouldhavebeens.
I wish I could be un-stuckup enough to put aside my ego and make those confrontations. Indifference is the worst feeling you can subject someone to or be subjected to yourself. I want to go to bed with an unfettered heart.