A Piece of the Puzzle

Just finished listening to Yasir Qadhi's 'A Piece of the Puzzle'... and found that I was burying myself into the pillow lying on my lap and drenching it with tears. Alhamdulillah, it was so awe-inspiring, it brought such awakening with it and I felt so grateful to Allah for softening my heart, that I wished SYQ's lecture would never end.

I'm going to write down my thoughts here so that I'll remember them and that I will, insha'allah translate them into actions one day... and everyday. These are thoughts that have been gathering over time... whether they were articles in the newspaper that left me feeling angered and helpless or something someone said thoughtlessly and wounded a relationship or just something that was wrong and should never have happened... and every time, I thought to myself that I would do something about it but I postponed it to 'another day' or forgot about it, but insha'allah, something written down might find me more accountable... I will insha'llah accomplish this:

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived... this is to have succeeded" - Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I never applied this to the people I eat with/live with/stay with everyday. Today I heard my aunt crib to herself while cleaning her daughter's cupboard, say "How long am I supposed to slave for everyone? When I was young, it was my parents, then it was my brothers and sisters and now my children. Will we never get a moment of rest?" And I thought of the number of times had happened with Mom and I was still thick-skinned enough to not do anything about it. Ya Allah, please change my condition. I was telling people at home about the Hadith I'd read, where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said "If anyone of the ummah who manages to catch his parents, one of them or both, when they are elderly and they need his help and he is not able to service them properly and get his sins forgiven, then may he perish" and I felt such pangs of regret... Ya Allah, let me do my best and be my best with my relatives and be my never-ever-seen-before-best when I meet my parents again.

On one of those days that the anger and frustration reached its limits, I vowed, Insha'allah, I will at least make one life better... Insha'allah, if I have the consent and the support, I will adopt a chilid and do the best I can, to raise him or her without bias or judgement, as I would my own.

There was another time when I spent a whole night awake, wondering what I could do that would make lives better, in any measure, in any form. And while I did come up with some ideas, I am yet to translate any of them into action. But, insha'allah, I will... baby steps.

And insha'llah, whether I achieve the above or not, I will make the most out of the most important and influential title I will ever hold: Mummy. It's funny how we gloss over the obvious and how you learn some things from people you never expected to. Just the other day, I came across some lines a friend had written long ago, (after being inspired by a mom watching over her kid at the airport) and I quote: "Who says girls are dumb, no way man! They're intelligent RIGHT where the entire civilization wants them to be. They are awesome moms!" So, maybe that's not what the entire civilization wants them to be and maybe not all of them are awesome, but so many tons of hidden potential! Ammy is a little over a year and a half old, and I can already see the difference. I can also see that even being the barely-there-mom takes a lot of patience... being someone who puts her best effort into making her child a better person would require infinite patience and reserves of steel... of the highest tensile strength - mental and physical.

And Sheikh YQ said that most of the trials for the ummah of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) would be those related to money... the pursuit of it and its spending. Many would be related to those that the human beings around us test us with... And that blessings are as much a trial as hardship... and to think that anyone would enter Paradise without being tested!... And he talked about the dua that Allah Himself had taught the Prophet (PBUH): "Ya Allah, before I face any fitnah (trial), let me come face to face with you", meaning 'Let me die before you test me with a trial'.

Ya Allah, what strength and nerves of steel it would take for someone to remain steadfast! What people were they, who stood their stands as if their hands clenched coal and embers! Ya Allah, do not try us and make us patient. "Indeed, Allah is with the Sabir-oon".